Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
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I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
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So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
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