I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
