Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
