my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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