She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
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