I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
Randomize
