I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Randomize