We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
