I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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