tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
Found the puke drawer
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Randomize
