I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
