The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
my taxi driver is listening to 50 shades of grey audiobook. this is uncomfortable.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
