I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize
