btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
He had one of those small greek statue penises
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
RA chick in a Christmas onsie chased us up 5 flights of stairs. I need to stop violating guest policy
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
