More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Randomize
