Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Randomize
