This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
