Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
