So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
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we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
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direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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