I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
I know right? mind you this is the same woman who told me when I was 12 that oral sex just meant talking dirty
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
