The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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