Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I got her a Nickelback box set.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
Randomize
