Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Randomize
