I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
