worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
theyre selling pepper spray in the courtyard. hellooo atl
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I lost the right to judge tonight
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
