it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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