I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
