True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up naked with a $20 bill taped to my titty, so I must of had fun.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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