i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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