Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Randomize
