Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
