i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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