my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
you just used a box of cheese-its to get into the bar
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
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My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
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Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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