walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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