I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
