Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
did I ever tell you about my gay jesus theory?
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
