I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Dicks are not precious.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
