Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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