i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
Randomize
