first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
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