She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Cleveland boys shit in their own pumpkins in their own living room. Got pictures to prove it.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
