i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
