Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Randomize
