Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize