Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
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I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
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Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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