He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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