Christians are straight up FREAKS
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
