my sisters under your porch take her home
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
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