It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
