last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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