He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
