Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
