dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
no dont talk to me..because of you my bar tab was more expensive than my hospital bill
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
My feet surprised me
Randomize
