Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize