1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
Randomize