Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Randomize
