I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
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