We're like a lot better than the average bears
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
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