I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
Randomize
