You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Is a swingers hotel appropriate for an anniversary?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
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