Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
she tried to deny peeing on the floor last night. she said she wouldn't make it to the bathroom only to pee on the floor
oh but she would
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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