i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
