a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
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He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
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I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
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